With Dignity
by sepulchreangel
Summary: It doesn't really matter how the story goes, sometimes the ending is the same. Rorschach gets an actual send off. AU


Author's noted: Hey guys. I know, I know, why am I writing another oneshot when I have a whole story of oneshots that I should be working on? Well, it's mostly because this little plot guy has been kicking me in the face for a while and I couldn't fit it in with "Chaos". Mostly because it's super AU. However, I'm quite pleased with how it turned out.

Warnings: swearing, sadness, crying…

Disclaimer: I don't own Watchmen. If I did, it would turn out kind of like this.

Dan sat in his living room on his favorite spot on the couch. He couldn't sleep. Again. The bouts of insomnia were becoming more and more frequent ever since he'd gotten the news about Eddie. The Comedian. It was all over the news last week. The guy had finally retired and revealed his identity as the Comedian, which Dan always thought was a stupid idea, seeing as how it was a good way to get you assassinated by people you put away. Look at how Ozymandias turned out, case in point right there. The man may have been able to dodge bullets, but he couldn't dodge _a bomb_. Dan sighed; he still couldn't believe it. Smartest man in the world, and he hadn't even noticed a car bomb parked in the basement level parking in his own work building. Unbelievable. But back to Eddie. Eddie Blake here had decided to throw a retirement party at some friend's apartment. The stupid bastard had gotten ridiculously drunk (or so he heard, Dan didn't actually _go_) and had lost his balance and fell out of a 12 story window into oncoming traffic. What a way to go.

Dan put his face in his hands. What was that thing Rorschach had told him once, in '85, after that nuclear scare? "We never die in bed". Dan hoped he was wrong. Dying in bed seemed like a pretty nice way to go. That was how Dan wanted to go, quietly, without any fuss, knowing full well that it was your time to go and there was nothing you could've done about it. But a voice inside his head that sounded a little like Rorschach warned that this wouldn't be so. Rorschach. Dan smiled a little. Rorschach had always been a raging pessimist. Also a raging lunatic, the cynical voice that sounded a little like Laurie pointed out. But that wasn't really fair, Rorschach had problems, yes, problems that Dan didn't even want to think about and would never comprehend, but that didn't mean he wasn't getting better. Actually, Dan had seen Rorschach almost coming back to himself during that '85 nuclear war thing. Dan didn't really like to think about it, how close they'd come to a mass nuclear holocaust. It'd had been a nightmare.

Really, it was thanks to Jon that the world wasn't one big Chernobyl. Once things had looked like there was no way out of this mess except for war, Jon had gone on one of the international news channels and explained how our human intelligence was being misused and that humans should once again learn the value of life. Or something to that effect. Anyways, the point of the matter was that after his speech he'd told the US government and that of the USSR that he was essentially taking any and all nuclear weapons and materials used to make them. Which he did. The act was so embarrassing and condescending ("now, now, kids. If you can't play nice with the toys, we'll just have to take them away 'til you can sort out your differences") that negotiations for peace sparked almost immediately, each government scrambling to look more mature and gain back more face than the other. The solution to such a terrifying and seemingly insurmountable problem was so ridiculously simple that Daniel laughed for about an hour. That had irritated Laurie. Laurie hadn't really appreciated the whole situation as it was since, after the broadcast, Jon had announced his decision the "leave this world for one a little less complicated" by going to Mars, of all places, leaving Laurie behind.

It had been about 5 years since he'd seen Jon. Five years since nuclear war had threatened and passed. Five years since Laurie had showed up at his doorstep, crying and asking for his friendship. To Dan, it had seemed a gift from the Powers That Be--the beautiful, perfect and wonderful woman that he'd admired for so long wanted him. _Him, _the nerdy, disappointing son of a banker who could barely talk to a girl without making a fool of himself, who frequently worked with a sociopath who still periodically broke into his house and stole his food. It was a wonder Laurie put up with it all.

The other wonder that came out of the '85 scare was Rorschach. For about 10 years, he and his partner hadn't exactly been on speaking terms. Rorschach blamed Dan and his retirement. Dan blamed 1975, a little kidnapped girl with an unfortunate last name, and the terrifying, violent caricature that seemed to have swallowed his partner up. Either way, both men had changed and both were disgusted by the choices of the other. Hence, estrangement. But once things started heating up in 1985, and the thought that everyone in the entire world was going to die because no one would be the first to put aside their weapons, Rorschach started coming around again. Dan would never forget the day he first saw his old partner after so many years. He had broken down Dan's door, which scared the shit out of Dan, and was sitting at the kitchen table, eating cold beans. Dan had stared for a minute, mouth agape. Rorschach however, had turned slightly and mumbled through a mouthful of cold beans, "Hello Daniel."

To this day, Dan had never asked what had compelled Rorschach to come and see him again, but Dan had understood. The thought that they both could die without any sort of reconciliation probably bothered Rorschach more than he would ever admit. It had put life in perspective for Rorschach a little bit, Daniel thought. He was still pretty crazy, and he was still really rude to Laurie whenever she made the mistake of coming down in the middle of the night whenever he was there eating Dan's food. But still, Rorschach seemed different in those tense days. Like Armageddon turned things around for him. Like he wanted to make friends with Daniel again, but wasn't quite sure how. It was actually quite painful to watch sometimes. It had been especially awkward when Rorschach had made a comment on Dan lazing about and Dan (who, in his defense, was having a really bad day) had yelled at him for being so insulting and did he know how hard it was to be Rorschach's friend and how he missed the _old_ Rorschach who wasn't crazy as hell and who was an _actual_ person. The absolutely terrible part about this was that midway through the rant, Rorschach had interrupted him. To tell him that he'd just been teasing him. That was probably the worst moment in Dan's life. It had taken some getting used to, and some nights were harder than most, but the man under the white latex was making a comeback, fighting his way through the caricature that had almost consumed him.

But that didn't mean Daniel didn't worry. Some days, when he hadn't heard from Rorschach in a few days, Dan would start compulsively checking the newspapers, searching for any word about his costumed friend. And there were days when Dan just had a bad feeling. And what bothered Dan most about those feelings is that they were usually right.

That was why he was up at two in the morning reflecting on old, departed friends. He'd woken up abruptly, feeling the cold tendrils of a nightmare stroke the edges of his memory and knew something bad was going to happen. Dan wasn't really one for dramatics, but he did know when to trust his feelings, so he grabbed all his first aid stuff from Archie and from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and waited. And he was still waiting, irrational panic rising, praying that he was wrong and that Rorschach was okay and that in the morning Laurie would lecture him about how Rorschach was a grown man and not Dan's responsibility and in the evening, Rorschach would finally show up after 2 weeks and maybe Laurie would yell at him for worrying Dan and maybe, just _maybe_ Rorschach would start coming over after patrol more often and—

_Whump! _The weak thud of something against the door nearly caused Daniel to jump out of his skin. Leaping to his feet, he nearly upset the mountain of first aid that was piled on his coffee table and rushed to the door. Heart sinking, he knew before he opened the door that his prayers would not be answered tonight.

Rorschach was leaning heavily against the doorframe; coat gleaming dark and (most frightening of all) his mask rolled up high past the bridge of his nose so that Dan could almost, _almost _see his eyes. Blood was trickling in a thin stream down the corner of his mouth. His breathing was wet and pained. He coughed once, "Hello Daniel," he croaked, staggering away from the doorframe. Dan cursed under his breath and caught his partner by the arms and practically dragged him inside onto the couch.

Rorschach left a sickeningly large blood trail from the doorway to the living room one door away and Dan felt panic rise up to his chest. Dammit, he had been right; this was _bad_. Rorschach still held his coat tightly around him like it was holding him together and Dan really didn't want to know if that were truly the case. But this was his friend; whatever squeamishness Dan possessed always took a backseat to his partner's general wellbeing. Pushing him onto the couch, Dan rolled up his sleeves, "Ok Rorschach, take off your coat and jacket. And please," he let some of the desperation seep into his voice, "don't argue with me. I want to see the damage so I can figure out how to fix you."

Rorschach coughed wetly, "Not coming here to be fixed, Daniel."

His partner's tone made Dan's blood run cold, _oh fuck, no,_ "What-what are you talking about? Look at you, you need help, don't argue with--"

"Yes, Daniel," the wounded man rasped, "Look at me." Rorschach painfully unbuttoned his trench coat and the remains of his jacket with some assistance from Daniel, who actually jerked back when the articles had been removed.

Any type of wound that could be inflicted on a human person, Rorschach had. There was a large knife wound across his midsection, in some places showing Rorschach's gleaming insides, along with various others, deep wounds of the same caliber. There were multiple gunshot wounds to the torso, mostly hitting the shoulder and the lungs, no doubt trying to reach his heart, which obviously broke some ribs and had probably pierced his lung. And, what made Daniel the most nauseous, a large, weeping burn creeping along his chest and shoulders. Daniel looked up at Rorschach, brown eyes wide.

"How did you…manage to _get_ here?"

It terrified Dan that it took Rorschach a few minutes to respond, "Wasn't far…from here. Got lucky…in that respect." There was another long, painful pause, "Daniel…now do you understand…what I meant?"

_No no no no no._ "What I understand is that you need to go to the hospital. You-you need medical help. I can't—I can't do a w-whole lot here but…if we can get you to a h-hospital…" Daniel was babbling, tears and terror clouding his vision. This can't be happening. This isn't happening. This _will not_ happen. This—

"Dan-iel." God, he sounded so _pained_, "This will happen again. Have…reached limits. Have gotten…too slow." Dan shook his head violently, silently pleading to his friend, "I just came here to…look presentable."

Here, Daniel just wanted to laugh and cry all at once. It _figures_ that Rorschach, in his compulsive and slightly obsessive ways, would want to be cleaned up so he can look nice for _death._ That Rorschach, who never knew limits and judged those who did, would accept the fact that he could no longer fight crime _after_ he basically killed himself. That he who would never give up has essentially given up on _living_. Dan wasn't sure what to do, so he settled on the old standby: clean up his friend. He reached for the suture kit and silently got to work on Rorschach's knife wounds.

He wasn't sure who started the conversation, but before long, they were talking quietly of old times and past victories, back when they were both invincible and life made a helluva lot more sense. As they talked and even joked a little (the Comedian would be proud), Dan tried to ignore the ache that was building up in his throat, threatening to burst out into a loud and heartbroken scream. He didn't _want _Rorschach to die. Not now, not when things were _finally _working out again and when Rorschach was beginning to compromise for him, just a little bit. Goddammit, it wasn't _fair._

Daniel was wrapping up the last bit of gauze around Rorschach's broken body when the idea came to him. If Rorschach wanted to go out with dignity, then Dan would give that last gift to his friend. "Rorschach?" Dan murmured, blinking through his tears, "I have one of your spare coats in the basement. Can you hang on while I get it for you?"

Another long pause, then, "Hurry. Please."

Dan nodded, jumped up and sprinted into the den. He grabbed Rorschach's old, musty coat and hurriedly threw on his grey overshirt, his cowl, his goggles, and his boots. The pants were the hardest to get on anyways and besides, he was wearing brown pajama pants. Dashing up the stairs, Daniel paused in the entryway, suddenly unwilling to know if Rorschach were alive or not. "You okay?" Rorschach, who refused to actually lie down on the couch, rolled his head back and struggled to turn his body to Dan's voice. Daniel walked over and he heard Rorschach's breath catch a little. After a second, a little, grateful smile appeared across the pale, thin lips; the only exposed skin Rorschach would ever grant him. "Yes, Daniel." He replied simply and quietly. Dan could see he no longer felt any pain, and that meant they needed to hurry. Gently, but quickly, Dan threw on the old coat and, without speaking, scooped Rorschach into his arms.

Rorschach looked distantly confused and Dan forced a smile, "Let's get some air." He suggested by way of explanation and walked up the two flights of stairs to the roof.

Standing out in the cold November air, Daniel suddenly felt his stomach drop. God, _this was it._ He could feel Rorschach's shuddering breaths grow shallower and quieter. His head lolled against his shoulder and his limbs hung loose and relaxed, something he never was ordinarily. Carefully, he set Rorschach to his feet, one thin arm slung over Dan's shoulders, supporting his weight. Were it not for the proximity, it might appear for all the world as Nite Owl and Rorschach ending a patrol. Dan's throat ached.

Against his will, Daniel's mouth opened, "I don't want you to go." He murmured quietly into the rumpled hat of his best friend. Rorschach grunted softly and looked up at him.

"Thank you Daniel." He said simply, a beautifully peaceful smile the last human thing Daniel saw of his friend and partner before he rolled down his mask. They stood there for a moment, "Daniel." His voice was quiet, almost _happy_, "Let me go now."

Tears falling in earnest, Daniel slipped Rorschach's arm from his shoulders and released his waist. Rorschach used the last ounces of his energy to stand up straight and stare across the city, looking nobler than Dan had ever seen him. Then, his legs gave out, and Rorschach crumpled to the ground.

The first of many sobs ripped through Daniel's throat as he buried his head into the crook of his partner's shoulder, his own frame shaking. Dan was no stranger to death and dying. He'd seen it on the streets; he'd experienced it when his mother died when he was seventeen, and then his father when he was twenty. It wasn't anything new to him, but it was _Rorschach's death_ that rocked him to the core. Irrationally, anger rose up to enflame the frigid grief. Dammit, Rorschach wasn't _supposed _to die! He was invincible, he was indestructible, invulnerable, and he would never let death compromise his mission. _What the fuck?! _Dan's sobs turned into incoherent curses, muffled by a trench coat that smelled of blood and rotting leaves, this wasn't supposed to happen. This should never have happened. Why couldn't Daniel have stopped this from happening? The logical part of his mind poked through his grief, _you couldn't have done anything, and you couldn't have taken care of him forever. He knew the risks. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself. _Dan knew he wasn't to blame, but god, he wished he could have at least been there, even if it wouldn't have helped.

Staring down at his fallen friend, Daniel was struck with a sudden, terrifying thought. Should he take off Rorschach's mask? See the person underneath who had just finally started to reacquaint himself to Daniel? Would Rorschach want him to? Just as Dan reached for the mask, the image of Rorschach's happy, peaceful smile flashed in his mind's eye. His hand fell. He understood now what that smile had meant. At that moment, with Daniel who was Nite Owl on the rooftop which was where they began their patrols, with a man who was his partner and his friend and his brother, Rorschach and whoever the man was underneath was the same, whole person. Both parts had understood that _Dan_ understood at least a little and had allowed them to die with dignity and that had granted them peace. A little, tremulous smile peeked across Dan's face as well. It didn't matter what he _looked_ like under the mask, because Dan finally knew who he _was_ under the mask. And he was able to grant his best friend peace with himself, which Daniel hoped made up for all the times he had failed the man.

Feeling a little more at peace himself, Daniel held his only friend close and decided that he would be okay in the end.

***

There would be a little (closed casket) funeral with him, Laurie, and a preacher. Rorschach would be buried on a private plot reserved for the Dreiberg family. His headstone would have no name, as Daniel would never know the birth given one and writing "Rorschach" on a tombstone wouldn't be very smart. So instead there would only be one word written on a grey headstone to commemorate a man whom Daniel had loved and never really understood:

"Brother."

A/N: Wow. So I hope you liked it. It was a little darker than usual and now I'm a little depressed. This was brought to you by a large cup of orange juice and The Fray's "How to Save a Life"…god, I need to read something funny now…


End file.
